My House Is Too Dirty To Hire A Maid

I am a mom who lives in Macomb Township, works full time in Southfield, has two active daughters and a busy husband. After whooping it up nearly every weekend up north, working all week and spending evenings at the neighborhood pool, my house is a disaster and school has begun.

This house isn't going to get much cleaner over the winter months. You know, the endless months of cooking inside on REAL PLATES. I finally, finally convinced myself, after many years of denial, that I need, and very much require, someone to come clean my house, just twice a month.

What convinced me? For one, I am really just horrible at house work. My husband once heard that when a woman is pregnant, she will begin "nesting," or cleaning the house like a mad woman, in preparation for the baby. He still is waiting. He checks in with me every once in a while on this one. "Ummm, hey, our youngest is what, 6? When does that nesting thing kick in?" 

We also have this folding table that has been set up in my family room since June to help me wash and put away all of our summer clothes. It has made a very nice changing station all summer, but none of the clothes were ever actually put away! My friends and family who come over keep wondering if I am having a garage sale.  

The final straw was my daughter decided karate wasn't for her. Now I know karate doesn't have a whole lot to do with a clean house, but it really does. I can hear me lecturing my 10-year-old during one of my mad trying-to-get-the-kids-to-help-clean-the-house negotiation sessions, "If it weren't for YOUR karate, I would have money to have someone clean the house. But now, I have to clean it myself and take you to karate. Don't you feel guilty? You have to help me. OK? Promise? Come on. Please?" Well THAT never happened. But when she quit, my daughter used the same tactic. "But mom, if you let me quit, you could use the money to get the house cleaned. Remember?" Darn it, she was right! 

So where do I turn to find someone? Facebook Friends! They know everything and share everything, from the best pediatricians in Macomb to the best Groupon of the week, even when they have 10 for 10 on wine at Kroger! 

What I found is there are many incredible people out there in Macomb who are wonderful trusted house cleaners. They have talents I do not posses, and I am in awe! Equally amazing, is how many people are NOT cleaning their own house. I can't believe I have been beating myself up all these years for not being able to do it all. Take care of the kids, keep up with the laundry, cooking, cleaning, bills, school, activities, work ... and come to find out, ALL of my friends have people coming to clean their houses. OK, not ALL of my friends, some are still out there like me "No, I can do it ... really, just ignore that stink from the sink."

Let's also not mention those people who CAN actually do it all. We are not made from the same mold. (Mold being the word, because have you seen my shower compared to theirs?) 

So I called one of the recommendations and she was coming to my house at the end of the week to give me a quote. I actually called, set up an appointment and was HAPPY, actually giddy with delight, until it hit me, I have to clean my house prior to them coming. Well, it is the day before and I will not, I repeat, will NOT be able to in a-n-y way get the house in a-n-y type of an order for a person–who actually knows how to clean– tocome over and look at my house and tell me how much she will charge me on a regular basis to clean up this mess. 

I mean, based on the way the house looks now, I wouldn't blame her for charging me, geez, I don't know, a MILLION dollars to clean this house. I know, I have made THAT deal with my husband before, "I will give you a million dollars to clean the dishes in the sink. Really, the first million I make, YOURS if you do the dishes..." (I learned this trick from him when we were in the diaper changing stage ... trust me, he owes me at least $3 million from that period in our lives, so no worries.)

So, I did the only thing I could. I called and rescheduled. So now I just have to figure out how I am going to get the house clean enough to have a cleaner come by and give me a quote to clean. I hope you won't be reading a blog from me about it a year from now, but you never know!